I am flying over India now also badly hit.  Worse than Thailand. That is difficult to imagine.  Can anything really be worse than what I witnessed?  Can there be more corpses than I saw? Can the stench be worse?  More devastation?  Chaos?  Confusion?  Sorrow?

Below are thousands without water, food, shelter, homes, money, mourning the dead.  And here I am in luxury.  Shortly before boarding I had a call from a Thai friend who told me his brother’s body had been found, but his father’s was still missing.  I saw huge notice boards with photos of hundreds if not thousands of missing persons, and probably as many photographs of the heads of dead not yet identified.   These were unrecognisable as once having been human beings.

I am suffering from guilt as I have just sipped champagne, followed by Black Label, a good meal with good wine.  I left Phuket this morning where I was working as a volunteer until yesterday.  I focussed on forming a counselling group mainly for counsellors going to, and returning from disaster areas.  Victims will undoubtedly suffer from after shock, and I will be back soon to see what I can do to help.  The Provincial Hall continues to have thousands of people, mostly Thais now, walking round in a daze, clutching photos of relatives, friends, etc., missing, hoping that someone will have news.

Why am I here?  Why was I saved? 

Why is Leh no more, Aht, Heinz his wife and 2 daughters, Dang’s brother, and many more. WHY? I am confused, in an unreal world.

I cannot accept, cannot comprehend.  I feel guilt.

I have a degree in psychology.  I should understand myself.  Am I really here?  Why?